Mother's Day: This Year it Kind of Feels like Bullshit

 

Last week in a class I teach, the subject of mother’s day came up. The teenage assistant who helps me said, “I think on Mother’s Day my mother should celebrate me because when I was born she became a mother.” An elder in the class, a mother, replied, “Then you should celebrate her on your birthday. Do you really want to trade your birthday for Mother’s Day?”

I understand my assistant’s perspective. Being a mother is one of my greatest joys. It’s where I learn the most about myself and humanity. It’s where I am most humbled and most proud. I laugh my greatest laughs and shed my biggest tears in the role of being a mother. I do celebrate my daughter on this day because, without her, I wouldn’t be a mother. 

BUT, that perspective is troubling as well. In the grand scheme, without mothers, the planet would cease to exist. We would have no reproductive capacity. The world would die. So, on this day, on every day is real important to celebrate the mothers. 

Fall down on your knees people and thank the women who brought life to this earth. One day. It’s not much, not enough. 

Yesterday my friend Kate sent me an article, Of Course the Constitution Has Nothing to Say About Abortion in the New Yorker about this current debacle with Roe v. Wade. Here’s a quote:

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is surprised that there is so little written about abortion in a four-thousand-word document crafted by fifty-five men in 1787. As it happens, there is also nothing at all in that document, which sets out fundamental law, about pregnancy, uteruses, vaginas, fetuses, placentas, menstrual blood, breasts, or breast milk. There is nothing in that document about women at all.

Take that in. There is no mention of women in the constitution of the United States, but without women, without women who choose to go through pregnancy, give birth, and spend a hearty dose of their life’s energy raising the next generation, this country would not exist.

How incredibly galling this whole debate about reproductive freedom is. And, to reflect on it on Mother’s Day, a day when we celebrate this role — this significant, important, critical, life-giving role — women looking at a dystopic future that looks a lot like the Handmaid’s Tale. 

Being a mother is a joy but it’s also a sacrifice. As a mother, you are always thinking about someone else before you are thinking about yourself. There’s no choice. It’s biological. Even when I don’t want to be thinking about my daughter’s health and safety, even when I want a break, I can’t take it. I’m a mother. I chose that role. It’s in the fibers of my being. Yes, it’s a joy. And it’s fucking hard work.

What about the millions of women who don’t choose this role, who don’t want to be part of this Mother’s Day? Because they forgot to mention us in the drafting of the constitution, these women may be forced to take on a role that is a sacrifice, a role that forever changes their place in the world, their destiny.

Women all over the United States are getting cards and flowers and chocolates, little trinkets to say how important they are on Mother’s Day. But that’s all just junk. What about giving women something that really shows gratitude, something that truly honors this life-giving role? What about choice? That would be a real mother's Day gift.