Bathing Suits and Big Boobs

 

Last week my seventeen-year-old daughter and I sat down to do one of our best-loved activities. After dinner one night we hunkered down at the dining room table with our favorite cheesy catalog —  Venus. No matter how many times we cancel the catalog, Venus comes in the mail every few weeks. It has really ridiculous fashion — styles that might be common in other areas of the country but to us Pacific Northwesterners, the clothes on the models look like something you might see on showgirls at a country-western theme park.

The game we play is that we each have to choose one item on every page that we’d wear. We laugh and tease each other a lot, imagining her wearing those red shorts or me wearing the leopard print mu mu. It’s an easy connecting time, one I relish because it’s simple and playful, a time to suspend other conversations about school or chores or life. When all the pages in the catalog have been seen, we recycle the catalog and go our separate ways.

Looking at the catalog the other day my daughter commented on a bikini. “That’s not actually so bad,” she said, “I’d wear that.” It is incredibly rare that my daughter will let me have anything to do with her fashion choices. The Venus catalog happens to have a whole line of swimwear for women with big boobs which means that they make the suits in cup sizes that actually fit. My daughter and I are both tall and long and we both have big boobs which often makes finding the right fit difficult. 

I jumped at the opportunity to help my daughter choose some suits that fit her body. “Why don’t you choose a bunch and then return what doesn’t fit.” I’ve spent years of my life ordering multiple styles and sizes to fit my long thin body with seemingly randomly place big boobs — usually, the case is that things are too big in most places and too small for my boobs. 

Buying bathing suits when you have big boobs is different from buying bathing suits when you have little boobs or even medium boobs. You have to think about support and coverage. And as a general rule, the suits are conservative and matronly, like the kind you get at Land’s End. I was thrilled that my daughter liked some of the bikinis in the Venus catalog. Maybe she’d find one that truly “fit.” My daughter’s bikini tops always feel a little bit too revealing for my comfort. But again, she’s not like me. She’s not trying to hide. She’s trying to embrace.

While we looked at the bikinis together, we were both looking for suits that would fit. In my mind that meant, completely cover-up, maybe even hide her big boobs. That’s my story. I’ve spent my life trying to hide my big boobs. 

As my daughter perused the bathing suits on the pages, she selected those that weren’t cut to hide or minimize her breasts. She chose suits that small or medium-breasted women might choose, but that came in her cup size so would actually fit. I kept pointing to the sporty ones, like jog bras that would hide and hold. But she wasn’t interested. She chose what she liked, what all the other young women her age are wearing. 

Wikipedia describes Venus as the goddess of love, beauty, desire, sex, fertility, prosperity….. and victory.  Venus is also often represented by naked breasts, as a symbol of all of those traits. I didn't embrace all the "venus-like" qualities that came with my breasts. Those things scared me and made me want to hide. But my daughter has a different perspective and I'm so grateful. And relieved.  The bikinis from the Venus catalog haven’t come yet. I hope they will fit my daughter and I hope she’ll be happy. But even if they don’t fit I think my daughter has already won. She loves her breasts. That’s a victory.