Holiday Party

I don’t think about COVID every day like I used to. Slowly, like a sponge drying on the side of the sink, my brain has become less saturated with thoughts of the virus and more full of daily life as I knew it before COVID.

I know that COVID is still a concern. I am fully vaccinated and boosted. I wear my mask at work along with my co-workers. I’ve had COVID so I’m less fearful of getting it, but I’m not a denier by any stretch of the imagination. I do notice, though, that life feels more normal than it has in the last three years. I welcome this return to the ways things used to be.

This year we decided to resurrect our holiday party. It’s been several years since we had our annual party. It was my daughter’s question one morning, “Why don’t we have the cookie party anymore?”, that sparked the idea. It’s her last year at home before heading to college and that seemed like good enough reason to me.

I talked to my partner. She agreed we should have the party. And we started preparing. We would make mini-muffalettas, champagne punch, and lots of cookies. We spent many hours preparing for the party. We invited most of our friends and neighbors. We decorated the stairs around our house with luminaria. We were ready. During all of the party planning and preparations we never once talked about COVID.

Almost everyone who rsvped (and many who didn’t) came to the party. We had close to seventy people in our house — eating and drinking, talking, hugging, sharing bites of food, picking off of the same cheese board, taking cookies off the same tray.

I remember having friends over in the early days of COVID. We sat outside six feet apart and made separate serving trays of food so no one would touch the same utensils. We kept our visits short and quickly washed our friends dishes at the end of our outdoor gathering. We were afraid of each other. Hugging and touching was vorboten. 

Our holiday party started at 5PM. People came right on time. Over and over I’d answer the door, throw my arms around guest after guest, so happy to welcome them into our home. I must have hugged at least fifty people. I flitted around the party most of the night, filling people’s drinks, restocking the food, having short chats with various guests. No one wore a mask.

I watched the guests from the kitchen. They were like dozens of little stars twinkling around the room, moving from one star to another, star dust trailing behind them as they traveled to a new star to say hello and how have you been. Together, they made one beautiful constellation that lit up our home. I felt so grateful so many times.

The last guests left at 11:30PM. We put away all the food but left the rest. The next morning when we woke up, the remnants of the party were everywhere — plates of half-eaten food, punch still in the bowl, cups, napkins, crumbs everywhere.

While we cleaned the house we got text after text thanking us for the party. “Thank you for bringing us all together.” “So many great people!!” “Thank you for the wonderful party.” And we all had fun too. It really was a great party. 

The party was very much like has been in the past. We had the same food, many of the same people, the same champagne punch. But we were all so much hungrier for each other, so much more grateful to be together. 

From the very start of the party there was an electricity, a kind of vibration. I watched people move around the rooms, talking to different people. I watched faces light up and arms open wide for hugs. I saw heads tilting back in laughter and hands reaching out to touch an arm or share a toast. Though we had music playing it was barely audible. There was the non-stop hum of dozens of conversations happening at once. 

This energy is what we’ve been missing over the last three years. The connection that comes from one person making contact with another and then another and another. It’s the confluence of all of these energies combined that creates the magical hum and spark that we all noticed at the party. It’s love, connection, happiness.

It’s the exact opposite of what we’ve been doing since March 2020. With COVID we’ve had to turn away from contact to stay safe. And as a result we’ve lost the connection, the feeling of love and happiness that comes from being in a big group of people, some of whom you know very well, and some just a little bit. 

Since our party, I’ve been waiting for the COVID shoe to drop, for someone to call and tell me that they’re sick. So far no one at the party has called to tell me that they have COVID. I’d feel responsible and terrible. 

I know there are people who will tell me that this party was irresponsible, that COVID is not over yet. But I stand by my decision to gather my family, friends and neighbors together. We’ve been in the darkness for almost three years. Our twinkle has been dimmed for a long time. I know the party was a risk, but I’m glad we did it. I got to see the night sky of my community light up again, to feel that magical feeling of all the stars shining at once. It was as beautiful as I remember it and I can’t wait to do it again.