The Healer Strikes Again!

My doctor told me last month after a four-minute office visit that I probably had a slight medial Meniscus tear in my right knee. Having no other information, and because she'd been my doctor for 23 years, I followed her instructions to lay off of running and other strenuous activity for a few weeks.

After almost a month with no real change on the horizon, and an increasingly agitated mental state, I went to see my acupuncturist. I've written about my acupuncturist before, many times. I call him "the healer" and he truly is. In a blog I wrote back in 2011, the healer told me that I needed to be mindful of how much I was asking of my body. That visit resulted in more morning meditation. A month later, he told me I had a blockage in my gallbladder channel that was affecting my decision making. After finally deciding what school my daughter would go to, my hip pain subsided.

And yesterday when I went to see him, limping my way in, carefully guarding my knee against any sudden movements, he laid hands on me and said, after about 20 minutes of "analysis",  "Laura, I don't think there is anything wrong with your knee. I believe you that it hurts, but it's not because your knee is injured....." and he continued on with what is going on with different parts of my body. My Peroneous Longus is insanely tight as are the adductors and the IT band in my right leg. But my knee, it's fine.

At first I felt kind of embarrassed. God, I'm such an incredible drama queen. Is there anyone in my life who has not heard about my traumatic knee injury? But the healer reassured me. "Your knee really does hurt. I believe you. But it's pain from being misaligned from the tightness in these other areas of your body."

As my wise healer continued to work on me, I felt a huge wave of relief overtake me. I wasn't surgery bound. I wouldn't have to live the life of a middle aged woman with "bad knees." I experienced, for the first time in a month, the pure joy of being more than my knees. And with this joy came the great reminder that permanence and attachment are easy and dangerous traps to fall into. When I received the initial meniscus tear diagnosis from my primary care doc, I dove headlong into the idea that I was never going to be able to run again. I visualized painful knee replacement surgery in twenty years. I stopped doing the physical activities that I love the most because I honed in on one perspective; I limited my own possibilities for healing.

As soon as I left my healer's office, I walked differently. When I got back to the studio that afternoon to teach, I sat in Vajrasana, my favorite teaching position, and it actually felt good. I could tell my knee was tight (because I've barely moved in a month!), but my perspective on this pain was all new. Hours before, my thoughts would have gone to, "Laura, you can't do this. You're going to do more damage to your knee!" But now I could let that go. I had new exercises that would help stretch my other tight muscles, and I knew this would lead to less pain in my knee.

The body is complicated. It's so easy to isolate, blame different activities or specific weaknesses for injuries. But we are complex beings. Pain and discomfort are our body's way of saying "wake up and listen." It's easy to do what I did-- to hear the body's message as a scream; to go into crisis mode. But sometimes the message is just a whisper, a gentle reminder to pay attention to the whole system. We are all so much more than our knees.

If your brow is really wrinkly....

"If your brow is really wrinkly, put a needle in it." Sing this to the tune of Beyonce's lyrics, "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it...."(From All the Single Ladies). Lately, I sing this all the time.

Thanks to acupuncture my SI joint pain is cured. It feels so great. I can do forward bends. I can do flip turns. I can have dance parties with Lucia to the Glee soundtrack. Last week at acupuncture, the healer had a student in tow which meant that everything happened twice (except for the actual needles). All the assessments, pulse taking, tongue examination, random stuff they do with their flat palms over my body. Because I was lying on the table for so long with my eyes closed while the two of them "worked me over," I found myself feeling more relaxed than usual. I hardly noticed the healer putting the needles in.

So I was more than surprised when, after putting in all the needles, the healer dimmed the lights and said, "Now you only have to do one more thing... relax the furrow in your brow." What?!!! I had no idea I had a furrow in my brow. Flippantly with a hint of indignation, I mumbled, "Can't you just stick a needle in it?" To which the healer said, "Sure." And he popped one right between my eyebrows.

My brow furrow is significant. I'm pretty sure I could hold a dime, maybe even a quarter in my vertical forehead crease. It's possible I was born with a little tilted eyebrow squint. I consciously try to relax my brow on a regular basis--during yoga practice, when I have insomnia, when I look in the mirror-- but this sensation with the needle was revelatory. I wasn't doing anything mentally to relax my wrinkle, it was being relaxed for me. It's like when you get a massage and the masseuse holds the weight of your head in their hands and you can feel the heft of your head but it doesn't matter because it's not your responsibility to hold it up.

I fantasized that the forehead needle would have a botoxian effect and I would leave acupuncture a new woman, years younger, perkier, less stressed. Alas, the needle offered no long term forehead changes, but it wasn't for naught either. I have been left with the knowledge that my brow can really soften, even if it requires external intervention.

"Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh....If you're brow is really wrinkly, put a needle in it.If you're brow is really wrinkly, put a needle in it....Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh.... "

It's all about the gallbladder

What I love about Chinese medicine is the explicitly stated connection between the mind and the body. What's more important? The mind or the body? It's the age old chicken and egg conundrum. Who knows? Who cares? For the last month, I have been laboring over a decision regarding my daughter. It's not a life or death decision by any means. I'm just deciding if she should change schools. The truth is, whatever side of the decision I come out on, Lucia will be fine. She'll be great. It's me who is struggling to make the right decision (if there is such a thing).

I think this is the third time I've blogged about my acupuncturist (aka "the healer"). Last time I went, the healer told me that he thought I had a blockage in my gallbladder channel. O k a y. "In Chinese medicine," he explained, "The gallbladder is in charge of decision-making." So, it is possible that I am having some physical symptoms because I am struggling with this decision, or it is possible that my physical symptoms are making it hard for me to make this decision. The healer worked on me, gave me some Si Ni Wan (herbs) to take, and sent me on my way with an entirely new perspective.

In knowing that my gallbladder is involved in this decision I have to make about Lucia, I am strangely liberated. For me, getting through mental anguish is vastly more difficult than healing from a physical injury or illness. With this Chinese medicine approach, the physical and mental are deeply connected, and equally significant. This gives me renewed hope that my syndrome of indecision is curable.

The body-mind connection in acupuncture is not unlike yoga in that we strive in our practice to create a dialogue and ultimately harmony between the body and the mind. Sometimes this message resonates in yoga class when a teacher tells me to follow my breath. Most recently, it clicked into place when the healer told me that my gallbladder regulates decision-making. Same message, different voice. I'm grateful for them both.